I’m going to be Crabby Kayti today. Crabby Kayti is snarky. You may want to back away.
I don’t normally talk about these things because I’m a bit of a social media hermit who manages to miss all the drama in the indie author universe (thank goodness! That’d be a lot of popcorn to pick out of my teeth XD).
But since I’ve been on facebook, twitter, tumblr etc for a couple of years I’ve started to acquire a LIST OF THINGS THAT ANNOY ME.
Yep. This is a rant. Enjoy.
1 Don’t post on my freaking wall.
I’m sure your book is interesting. Really. I mean, you only have five stars reviews up there. It was so good that people who have never posted a review in their life made sure that their only review was of your 628 page masterpiece.
Brilliant, mindblowing, piece of literature, I’m sure.
But since you slapped your Crayola cover on my facebook wall within five seconds of us being ‘friends’ (them copy/paste skills are on point!) I have no interest of ever reading, promoting, or making sweet sweet love to your book.
2 Auto DMs make my eyes twitch.
No. I will not ‘buy my book’. I don’t care if it’s free.
And while I’m aware that not every auto-DM on Twitter is like that, I’ve gotten so many that were that they’ve become painted with the same brush. And they bury the legit DMs I get from friends. Grrr.
3 WHY is there porn in book advertisement groups?
Whyyyyyyy? And it’s really gross looking stuff too. I swear I can feel the malware just oozing out of that screenshot.
I have fun reporting them. Well, until the facebook review comes back and says it’s not in violation of their rules for some reason.
4 How did you get my email address?
Okay. I know how you got my email address. It’s not that hard to find.
But when I get an email out of the blue asking my to buy your book, support your… whatever, or check out that writer thing your selling, I’ll view the email the same way I would the one telling me where to find sexy Russian brides.
And if I get a follow up email asking me what did I think of the product you spammed me with….
5 Do I know you?
Everything really comes down to this. Social media is about being… social? It’s a great way to network and find other authors for the purpose of… socialization? You can learn really cool stuff when you’re… social?
You see the trend here.
I cannot share inside jokes with ‘buy my book’. When I want to create a facebook event to promote people that I (wait for it…) socialize with? that spam message doesn’t even cross my mind. When I’m looking for new great books to read ‘buy my book’ gets translated to ‘don’t ever touch THAT one’.
You’re shooting yourself in the foot with the whole ‘buy my book’ thing. Let me get to know YOU and since you’re so obviously cool, your book must be a reflection of that.
*deep cleansing breath*
I definitely needed to get that off my chest. Let’s say goodbye to Crabby Kayti for now (yes, she’s funny, I know, but she can’t stay). I should let everyone know, despite unleashing my inner grump puss I genuinely like promoting other authors and helping readers find new books. Just don’t be a dick.
By the way, buy my book. ????